Losing it, abusing it and using it well
Time is something that I feel like I never have enough of. I push myself to make time, stop wasting time... go, go, GO! Ironically, I think so much about time that I waste time. Isn't it funny how that works?
I’ve realized that I never spend much time in the present but sadly seek my opportunity and worth in the future. As any imperfect human would (I think), I beat myself up over my flaws, not giving myself any credit for the hard work I do but expect myself to do more - and do it perfectly. I know, it sounds crazy right? And as I sit here now with my puppy in my lap and my coffee mug probably (or definitely) too close to my keyboard, I know that I'm too hard on myself. Time truly is precious, and the way you choose to use it is a challenge I have to overcome everyday. Almost everyday I fall into a hole when I think I'm trying to pump myself up and push myself forward but in reality I'm tearing my soul down and missing out on life. Yet somehow I expect myself to miraculously climb out of that hole? I’m burying myself.
Over the past few weeks I’ve really tried not to let time control me. I’ve tried not to allow myself to measure my success by it, to not let it put a timestamp on conversations or relational moments, and to let time drift away if I really need some time “off-the-clock” and in my thoughts. I’ve tried to use the time I have for the most precious and important things, making every time time well spent.
While looking back on my time spent over 2015, I am in awe of how many blessings were poured out onto me given how much time I spent worrying and stressing and pushing myself too hard. If anything, 2015 has made me realize how much I overlook God’s goodness and the moments He has given me on this earth. The moments that have been the most rewarding have been those that haven't had a schedule. These are the moments when I didn't routinely clock in or clock out - but the moments that just happened when I stopped and let myself live. Through all the late nights, stress, negative thoughts, deadlines, and moments of insanity, God continues to gift me with so many blessings and I rarely take a second to see them. I wish I took the time I needed to just stop and look at all the things that were being gifted to me; that would have gone unnoticed while I stubbornly pushed my own agenda.
I have to take time to break away from work, to spend time with people I love and do things that I love. It sounds so simple, but is probably one of the hardest lessons I've had to learn. As 2015 ends and 2016 begins, I smile for the days to mere seconds ahead of me.
To cherish, to praise, to thank God for
My sweet sister is pregnant! She and her husband will be finding out the gender of their baby at the beginning of the New Year. These past few months spent with her as she has been preparing and nurturing this baby inside of her have been some of the sweetest I've shared with her. She has been the perfect example of giving yourself time, allowing yourself to grow and acknowledging that no matter how much time you put in you may never be ready for what’s to come. My sister naturally has every quality of being the best mother, and I cannot wait to meet this little one in early June.
A few weeks ago I had the opportunity with Sharefish.org to travel to a remote village in Honduras to teach the women of the community how to sew. I’ve thought for years of going with my grandparents to the Philippines for a medical mission trip, but knew my gifts would never flourish there (I also knew I would be no help to them if I pass out!). When my professor from college called on me to go to Honduras, I knew it was God telling me that this was my chance to use the talents He gave me and make a difference. I hate to leave this blessing so open-ended, and hope to do a full recap of my trip in the next few weeks.
Being a part of two of my very best friends weddings this year has made me appreciate so many more friendships. I cherish the time I spent with each of them as I was able to witness them begin this stage of their life. I have been immensely blessed by their friendships, one very old friendship and one fairly new.
I celebrated my 1 year anniversary with Anthropologie as their Personal Stylist in Raleigh. I find this retail job so rewarding, as I get to speak with women from all over the country and many different backgrounds about being confident and owning their style. Fashion has always been more than materialistic for me and I am so happy that I get to work in an atmosphere that allows me to engage with every kind of woman, get to know her and help her realize her beauty.
Finally, Mel in Chanel has continually been growing far beyond what I ever expected. In September, the Mel in Chanel App reached over 2,000 downloads, and has kept on growing! I have far to go and much more to learn but have enjoyed every part of this process and cannot go on without thanking each one of you. Collaborations and opportunities are abounding at Mel in Chanel, and I am so excited to see where all this will take me!